Stadium Views

“This ticket sir, is too good for you!” by gpiv
March 11, 2010, 1:02 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Ninety nine bottles of beer in the fridge. Ninety nine bottles of beer.  Take one out , drink it…….oh you know the rest. Ninety nine days left to the last CWS as we know it.

Two particular scalpers are of note in the cast of charachters.  We’ll call them Ron and Jay.  they are also known by their nicknames Showtime and Stingray or by the names they sometimes call themselves Billy and Danny after the charachters from Caddyshack.

The two have scalped every major event in the country and some not so major.  Ticket brokering is not their part time job like a lot of scalpers, it is their job.  They are either friends or enemies depending on the day but one thing will always bring  them back together, the smell of money.

Showtime has a voice only a mother could love, and even she would tire of it quickly.  Its kind of a high pitched nasal whine which sometimes devolves down to a hoarse high pitched nasal whine if you can imagine that.  He trusts no one, and during the course of an eleven day CWS will at some time piss off each of the other forty or fifty scalpers on the street.

Stingray is the opposite.  He will just  selectively piss off the hustlers he chooses to.  He is probably the mayor of the hustlers and is looked to by most of them for advice.  If a deal is too big, Stingray is brought in.  He too has a unique voice which distinguishes him from all others.

They both have a distinctive wit and the ability to insult anyone, without the victim realizing they are insulted until they are three or four hundred feet down the road.  However sometimes  Showtime  will erupt and begin yelling at a customer in an attempt to shame him into paying the set price for a ticket.

When friends, they run a great good cop, bad cop routine in order to sell tickets.  When enemies they will cut prices in front of each other to make a sale and a point to each other.

I have seen them tear up tickets in front of customers when they wont pay the price, screaming “This ticket sir, is too good for you.”  They regularly insult women in front of their boyfriends.  Their usual opening line to a customer involves the word sir, but should their price not be met it the conversation may end with an insult such as “Beat it, mooch”.

They refer to me as Mr. Pivovar almost exclusively in a mocking sort of respect, but they do respect me.  They realize that I am a terrible businessman and don’t understand why I give things away since the are the ultimate capitalists. 

They have become my friends and have been invited to my daughters wedding and my annual anniversary golf tournament.  They are regular attendees at the Losers Club meetings and will freely admit at those meetings that,”Hi, my name is Stingray, And I sir, am a Loser.”

They serve a useful function, and they do it well.  They make thousands of out of town people happy by matching them up with tickets to the game during the course of a series.  They are willing sellers helping willing buyers.  And if there is a crime in scalping in Omaha, it is that we have the ridiculous scalping law that we do, which only limits the enhanceability of a ticket price within six blocks of a venue.

They got me arrested, but that’s a story for another day.

2 Comments so far
Leave a comment

Pimpin ain’t easy sir!

Comment by stingray

So I have permission to use Ray as your name in future articles.

Comment by gpiv

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: