Stadium Views


Slinging Shirts: One size fits all by gpiv
April 14, 2010, 12:13 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Sixty six bottle sof beer in the fridge.

We could stop the blog now and drink the sixty-six bottles of beer.  Sometimes that seems attractive.  the beer but not stopping the blog.

It’s time to talk a little bit about t-shirts at the College World Series.

Standing on the street corner, trying to sell value added tickets, or in the alternative trying to sell t-shirts you get to see the cross section of the College World Series fashion world.  Now my livelihood for the series rests on whether they like my t-shirt fashion or not.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like theirs.

Now you have to understand that my job is to sell t-shirts.  And just as any good salesman, I have to lie, and sometimes lie profusely to market my wares.  I have sold a large to a XXL person by stretching it out, and of course not allowing them to try it on.  Conversely, by holding a shirt at the corners of the shoulder rather than fully open I have sold XL’s to mediums.  Well at least the medium can wash it in extremely hot water.  The XXL just bought an expensive chamois.

Selling shirts requires a restraint to my otherwise acidic sense of humor.  When asked if I like a particular shirt for a person I have trouble not responding that what God has designed in them, I have no way to enhance.  Again, conversely, there are some beautiful people to whom I want to say, I could sell you a gunny sack and you’d still look hot.  Or better yet, just dispense with the clothing.

Of course, as most of you know, I am the  epitome of restraint which I have exercised my entire life.  So I tell people how my t-shirt is perfect for them, or their girlfriend, or their child.  Sure most 4 years old fit nicely into an adult medium and your wife may be about the same size as that 240 pound lady over there but this tank top will be perfect for her.  It’s perfect for her, just maybe not her gut and breasts.  You need a separate shirt for that.

I don’t know how many men I have offered a beer to and then as a result of that simple act their child at home has been able to wear the t-shirt I sold them to take home for six or eight years.  Hey, they like them big, or you know your daughter can wear it as a night-shirt for a while.  If their beer goggles are kicking in after the one or two that I give them, their children probably have never experienced a better fate with their Dad shopping anyway.

I try to take a more diplomatic approach with the grandpa types.  I know their heavy drinking days are way behind them so I don’t want to take advantage of them.  Many a time I have told them that I think I have the correct size in back, only to duck out the back door to another vendor and purchase what they need.  I feel a special obligation to the senior citizens to provide a higher quality service and get them something that might really fit the child they describe.

I digress.  I got my first senior citizen discount the other day.  It was on glasses and the pain of the admission was partially offset by the amount of the discount.  Cancer brought my mortality to the forefront, senior citizen discounts become a constant reminder.

If I say that I will probably have more of that shirt in tomorrow, how do you know if I was lying.  Yup, my mouth moves.  I don’t think I’ve had CWS pins for five or six years yet every year, “My supplier screwed up the order”, or “The shipment was lost in transit.”

The worst year was when I was with a new supplier.  Now, I need to go into my dream life.  I skipped every class after my freshman year in law school.  I still have dreams on a regular basis about final exams and about being naked  and going to the exam and about being naked and being late for the exam.  Now I’m no dream interpreter but do you think nakedness has some relation to preparedness in dream interpretation.

Well, those law school dreams have transformed themselves into College World Series dreams.  I regularly dream this time of year that the CWS is starting tomorrow and the place is a mess and my t-shirts are not there.

One year it happened.  I had entered into a new consignment relationship with a supplier from South Dakota.  He had shirts but primarily focused on hats.  The day before the series arrived and my hats were coming through the door.  The best array of hats I have ever had.  I was so happy.

So I called him to let him know that and to ask when the shirts would arrive.  Imagine the nakedness I felt when he told me that he hadn’t ordered any shirts for me, just for his tents.  I had less than 14 hours to the start of the series and not a single CWS shirt.  If I didn’t have an aversion to throwing up I would have went into the bathroom, which would have been clean for the first day of the series, and puked my guts out.

What to do.

The Hauser.  He had brokered the deal and one way or the other been my supplier for thirteen years. My scramble could only involve the Hauser.  Our love, hate relationship(and I must say it is mostly love) had to get me some shirts.

Now Joe has lied to me more than any human being over the years.  When I say a t-shirt is coming in tomorrow I may have some hope.  When Joe tells me it’s coming in tomorrow, he knows it’s not.

But on this occasion he came through.  I got shirts.  Some right away.  some tomorrow.  But I got shirts.

I’ll still have that naked, cleaning up the store no t-shirt dream this year.

But maybe not next year.

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1 Comment so far
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We could have always gone through your Discount XL Tees and cut them all up. Maybe targeted the female shopper. I know there was 1 woman that had me make her one of those.

Was this the year that had a baby blue shirt with the slogan “We’re right next to Iowa” haha.

Comment by Lynn




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