Stadium Views


Does anybody remember More cigarettes? And why is The Man trying to keep me down? by gpiv
April 28, 2010, 1:25 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Fifty-one bottles of beer in the fridge.

My long time employee who shall remain nameless to protect both he and I from the wrath of his mom came by yesterday.  I asked him if he wanted me to start referring to him by name.  He said no, that it was just fine with his mother that I left him out.

He seems to be the only one who is not proud of their connection to The View.  Would my legend be as great if I never would have got arrested?  I think not.

It’s all right though.  Everyone needs to please their mother.   Well not everyone I guess. My mom’s dead.  Stacey, Toni and Abby don’t really care about pleasing their mom.  Waco’s mom’s dead.  The Parking Nazi’s mom would drop dead if she knew ten percent of what has gone on in his life.  Harper probably cares about what her mom thinks.  Kris probably does too.  Moosey’s mom is just glad that she doesn’t have to feed him for a week. 

It’s sometimes hard to believe that any of the scalpers have moms, although I’m sure they do.  They obviously did not distill the ethic that hard work is the way to success.  The easier the better for them.  I’m sure that all of them do have an Uncle Sam although they probably forget to correspond with him on April 15th.

We built a new $125,000 baseball field at St. Bernadette.  Now we need lights.  I need to raise about $15,000 for the lights.  Hey Kris, Ryan Howard just signed a new huge contract.  Wouldn’t he like to donate some chump change to some Catholic Church in Bellevue Nebraska.  Or at least a couple signed jerseys.

I’m leaning on Kris too much.  But I think he still likes to please his mother wso I have to play on that emotion.  At least his mom didn’t tell him he couldn’t hang around the place after the big scalping raid.

You know, mug shots are so unflattering.  I know that they don’t need to look like glamour shots, but come on.  They shouldn’t wait until your mouth is hanging open and your eyes are shut to snap the picture.  There should be some dignity left in misdemeanor criminals..

Well this weekend starts the big push.  Friday is forty-nine days to the series.  Oh, I noticed that no one volunteered to cut the grass.  Chuck, it’s like three minutes a week for all the entertainment I provide your family.  Hey I’d do it myself if I had a mower, or a place to keep one at the store.  By the way, what over the counter stuff should I spray on the back lot to kill all the weeds.  I’ll solicit that advice from you.

I’m making enchiladas for the series this weekend, cooking forty pounds of featherbones, smoking sixty pounds of pulled pork and cooking thirty pounds of sausage.  All for your eating enjoyment.  Then I’m going to buy thirty cases of water, thirty cases of pop and two cases of beer.  The two cases of beer is for me to make it through the weekend.

Then I have to frame 30 pictures of The View, clean about thirty gloves, package about forty magazines. and label and price them, print Harper’s Stadium View Restaurant guide (It’s gonna cost me about $300.00 to print that with a color cover, any body got a better idea), label and price 40 autographed baseballs, price 200 leftover t-shirts, clean the backrooom, and probably talk to the Parking Nazi while he stands there and drinks beer.  Some people are born to supervise, others are born to work.

Doesn’t look like I’ll get to cleaning the bathroom.  That’s Ok, I don’t have any hot water anyway.  Seems The Man is trying to keep me down.  They shut it off.  Can you believe that.  How can you have an institution like The View and not have hot water.  Anyay Kris’ Uncle Larry volunteered to clean it while he is in town for the Series.

You guys thought it was all fun and games at The View.  You forgot about The Man.

I wonder what my mom would think of me if she found out I didn’t pay my MUD bill?

I wonder what my mom would think of me if she knew I was arrested for ticket scalping?

I wonder what my mom would think of me if she knew I had another arrest?

I wonder what my mom would think if she knew I may have looked the other way while Stacey and Toni had a beer at the store when they were twenty and a half years old?

I wonder what my mom would think that I hang around with ticket scalpers sometimes.

I wonder what my mom would think…….

Aw shit, she’d open up a beer, light up a More cigarette, and do what she always did for me…………

She’d open up that well worn prayer-book and say yet another prayer for me.

You know, A think the Parking Nazi’s mom’s prayer-book is just as worn out.

Sometimes you just have to let go.

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