Stadium Views


Stadium View: The early Morning! Here’s what goes on before my hungover employees arrive. by gpiv
May 1, 2010, 2:10 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Forty-eight bottles of beer in the fridge.

Blogging ain’t easy sir.

Sometimes my creative juices aren’t flowing.  And it’s not necessarily due to the slaughter of brain cells the night before.  Although I did slaughter a few yesterday on the golf course.   I attacked the course with fervor.  Mind you it was the first time I have played in Omaha in two years.  and I was playing with three judges, all of whom have too much time on their hands.  The results might be described as brutal.  One hundred and fifteen is a number not talked about in golf often but it sure drew some rave reviews yesterday. 

Just remember that a golf score is not the true measure of the worth of a man.  Lucky for me!!!

During the CWS I have various duties at the store.  My first when I arrive there is to unload my car.  Depending on how much beer we went through the day before and what’s on the menu this can take a while.  I usually stop at the store on the way home rather than in the morning and head straight the store.

Depending on how much tension there was between the parking Nazi, Stacey and the Scalpers the day before, I sometimes have a lot of help.  If the Scalpers are groveling they will be Johnny on the Spot to help with the unload.  They’ll be Jay, Ron who are really just helping to get free parking in the back for a while , the Burden, who usually is poaching my parking place and a non-scalper, The Dogman. 

I have never asked where the Dogman got his nickname.  He is opinionated, obnoxious and has a overinflated opinion of his own self-worth.  However, if we buy his breakfast we can usually get him to go to the Leavenworth Cafe for breakfast.   When he comes back he will stand in the store and bug me about the prices of my shirts until I will give him a substantial enough discount to get the hell away from me.  Sometimes the squeaky wheel does get the grease.

After ridding myself of the D I have to assess how much we got done the night before.  That depends on several factors, mostly related to addictive activities.  First, did the Parking Nazi leave early to go to the strip clubs.  If so, he will usually be holding up one of the counters reading the newspaper in the morning and the garbage will not have been emptied.  Of course, if Wacko was too drunk from the day before, I  need to tear the Nazi away from the Living Section and we need to run the garbage across the street to the neighbors pile so that we don’t have a stench around the place all day.

So, in the first 30 minutes, I have to unload the car, get rid of the Dogman and assess what got done the night before.  And so far that is dependent on how pissed off everybody is at each other, how early the Parking Nazi went to satisfy his addictive behavior (He’s a nude sculptor you know and only goes to further his knowledge of the human body), and how drunk Wacko got the day before.

It ain’t easy being a CEO.

Sweep the floors, around the Parking Nazi, clean the counters, around the parking Nazi and then load the roasters with the food du jour.    Of course how much of this gets done the night before is contingent on my addictive personality.  Not to alcohol of course.  That would never interfere with my ability to work.  I’m addicted to people and socialization and some time I just get too busy talking to get those things done the night before.  Yeah right.

During that second half hour, the Scalpers, again depending on their addictive personalities and abuses the day before, will usually walk in ten to fifteen times to give me updated market reports for the day.  No not the NASDAQ, tickets.  “This thing is off the hook” or “It’s officially a Pig.” are terms that describe the market activity. 

Then the customers start coming in.  Usually stragglers are in while I am sweeping the floor or loading t he roasters, but few get much attention.  I have usually given away my first beer by 8:00 am at the latest, earlier if LSU has the early game.  While I will have given the Stadium View greeting, “Want a Beer’, to almost everyone,  I reserve the second morning Stadium View greeting for the first good-looking woman either unaccompanied or with a fellow who looks like he has a sense of humor.

No not that, I’m happily married and I’m not into threesomes.

Imagine the shock when I address the lady with the greeting, “Would you like to tie me up.”

Not addictive behavior.  simply necessity.  somebody has to tie my money belt in back.

If I haven’t made a sale by 8:00, I start to panic.  It’s going to be a bad day.  What am I going to do with all the left over t-shirts?  How many shirts can fit in a Christmas stocking for my kids?

But if by chance I have made a good sale by eight, I start to panic.  Am I going to have enough shirt?  That guy bought two packs of cards, where am I going to get more?  Am I going to have to shut the store down early cause I’m out of merchandise?

And then there is the problem, if I have given away several beers before 8:00 I start to worry.  Do I have enough beer for the day?   Is every mooch in the world on the loose at Stadium View today?

And if I haven’t given away a beer by 8:00 I start to worry.  Am I going t o have to drink all that beer myself?  Who’s going to drive me home?

It ain’t easy being the mayor of 13th Street.

We’re a little past 8:00 am I have had to perform about fifteen job functions and depending on the day I have now a slate of worries to deal with.  I now need to make another executive decision.

So I open my first beer.

It ain’t easy having an addictive personality.

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